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Insight... who am I?
But I still haven't told you who I am...Ok, here it goes...
I do this best when I free-associate & don't censor myself, so bear with me. I guess if I'm asking you to show me your true self, it's only fair if I do the same.
I am a 48 year-old woman who truly hates the idea that my children are growing up so fast. If there were a way to turn back time and live through those early years with my children again, I wouldn't hesitate (not to change anything ,just be to experience it again). My children's first years were so magical to me; all I ever wanted was to be a Mom. I had a hard time believing that all my dreams had come true. The idea that this time was going by so fast made me want to hang on to every second even tighter. Somehow I felt that if I had a photo of each moment, I could actually freeze time. Well my boy's are 19 and 16 now so obviously that didn't work, but when I look back at those photos... I am taken back to those moments again. I can actually hear their giggles, screams and babbles of nonsense. I can smell Johnson's baby shampoo, Desitin, and strained carrots. So for me it is the next best thing to actually freezing time. Because of this, I strive to catch those "real moments" that do evoke such memories in all of our senses. My eye and heart are trained on the little things others may overlook.
I am a true optimist, which I think really gets on my husbands nerves. I over analyze everything and really enjoy doing so. I trust my gut; it has never let me down. I hate change. I married my male best friend and my female best friend is still the same one from middle school. I am happy; I have always been happy and expect that I always will be. I do believe that we create our own happiness, and my happiness has never been dependent on others. I love dogs, babies, laughter, and the feel of the sun on my face (even though I know it causes wrinkles). I believe chocolate is an essential part of every day. I hate cooking, but love food. I am a good mother, and I really like my kids (different than love you know). I don't have any illusions that they are perfect, and I'm really ok with that. I am too honest sometimes and often don't filter what I say enough... I think I usually get away with it though? I wear black all the time because it makes me look thinner, goes with everything and always looks more expensive than it is. I love what I do, how cool is that? I get to do what makes my heart beat faster and call it work. I still want something more, and I can't quite figure out what that is... It sounds so cliche` to even say, but I want to make a difference somehow. I do believe it is important to help families preserve their memories, and sometimes I feel that I am able to actually show someone what they have or how much they are loved or how special they really are through an image, but I know there is more I am supposed to do. Oh, and I am a doer, when I get an idea it is as good as done so when I figure out what this greater purpose is you better believe I will do it. For now, I am happily going through life enjoying every moment of my own kids lives, reveling in the moments I get to capture for others, beaming with pride when someone treasures my work, and grateful for everything... everyday. Really! I know it sounds kind of nauseating but it's my reality and isn't that what really matters?
"There is a supreme moment or destiny-a moment where the energy of your soul comes to be fulfilled...when you reach the point where you know that you are doing exactly what you are born to do." -Oprah Winfrey
Way too wordy, altogether too long, very deep - bordering on psychotic, spiritual, possibly egotistical, several grammatical errors, possibly even some spelling mistakes, real and honest to the core, might cause you to think about things that are uncomfortable, could cause extreme nausea causing you to exit the website. If you happen to read it all, and find yourself nodding your head in agreement, and you actually get it... seek medical help immediately. Oh, did I mention funny below? I think I'm slightly amusing.
Who am I, and why does it even matter?
Well, I firmly believe that I am able to get the kind of images I do because of who I am not because of what I know about photography and light. Now don't get me wrong understanding the science of light, and having the ability to achieve the proper exposure in any lighting situation should be a given when calling yourself a "professional photographer" but there needs to be more. My feeling is that I don't "take the picture" all by myself, you must give it to me. To truly capture something authentic, to produce an image that the viewer can actually feel, it must go beyond the surface. We have to connect, you have to trust me enough to let me "see you" and I have to be perceptive enough, real enough, and present enough to recognize those moments when they occur.